Wednesday, April 19, 2017

The fallout from the Booger post

0. Apparently 50% of my readers (aka mom and dad) didn't know what a booger was.

"Dad, it's not going to be in Websters. Dad. DAD!! I already told you what it means."

"I just want to make sure it means what you say it means."

1. 50% of my readers (still mom and dad) think Barnes and Nobles will sue me for joking that they are the ones putting boogers in library books. 

"I think you should delete your post. How many people read your blog?"

"Four. And only because I email them posts against their will."

I should have said Borders or Books-A-Million instead. What? Books-A-Million is still a thing? Never mind then. BORDERS puts boogers in library books so that you will buy new books from them. 
BAM!

Sigh. You can pick your nose but you can't pick your parents.

"The Fireman" book review delayed due to boogers...AGAIN.

My highly anticipated book review of Joe Hill's "The Fireman" has been delayed by a booger. 
Again.
In fact, the same booger.

Let me explain.

I read "The Fireman" ages ago, wrote a review for it, then passed the book to my wife to read. Shortly a horrified scream emanated from her.
"There's a BUGGAR on page 27 and there's a nose hair stuck in it!"

"I think you mean booger" I replied calmly. As you may have deduced, this book was a library book. Yes, I saw the booger on page 27 but this is the price you pay for free books from the library. One occasionally finds bent page corners and the odd nose gold inside. Between dry heaves my wife said she would not read any further and swore off library books for awhile. I swear Barnes and Nobles is probably the one putting boogers in library books.

As an aside my theory on avoiding boogers in library books is that you either be first to get the book or one must upgrade the literary quality of books you borrow.

Fast forward to this week.
My wife triumphantly mentions she checked out "The Fireman" from the library but got a different copy. I excitedly dust off my old review and anticipate posting it shortly. The next day I get a text: "There's a BUGGAR (booger!) on page 27! This is the same copy!"

I never knew there was an emoticon for dry heaving. Looks like my review will remain an unpublished great work. I tried to apply reason to this issue. "Why don't you just read past it and it will remain trapped in the front of the book?"

"I don't want it to fall out somehow while I'm reading", she countered.

"Well I'm sure it's stuck securely to the page by now".

"Let's make a deal, I'll read the book if you get rid of the booger. You just can't do it in front of me".

"Deal", I say then walk to the kitchen and scrape the dried booger and nose hair off the page with a napkin. Boy it was stuck in there.

My wife is now on page 66.
Book review to follow shortly!