Recovered from Joe Hill's spam folder

To: joehillfiction@[redacted].com

From: [redacted]

Subject: IMPORTANT; proofreading notes for The FIREMAN draft.  DO NOT GO TO PRINT!

Joe,

After a few seconds of Internet research I discovered an issue regarding the vehicles in your story. I am hoping to avoid another fiasco like the mythical safety on the revolver in Heart-Shaped Box. Yikes. I bet you're still living that down. I did notice the self deprecating reference to a revolver safety again in The FIREMAN draft (it WAS a joke, right?).

Anyhow, you wrote of a Dodge Challenger police car with a mesh barrier to detain suspects in the back seat and prevent them access to the front. This is impossible even in your mythical world since the Dodge Challenger is A TWO-DOOR CAR. There would be no way to put anyone in the back seat. I guess you mean the four door Dodge Charger, a common police car.

Please do not go to print without correcting this blatant error. As the son of Stephen King you have some big glasses to fill. I hope my notes contribute to the success of your new book.

Best regards,

[redacted]

The #2 in Lane 2

We were a handful of laps into our swim when I noticed my wife frantically flagging me from the next lane. I stood up.

"Get out!" she said. "Someone pooped in the pool!"

"Is it mine?" I asked (one incident and apparently you have a reputation).

Already out of the pool, she pointed and I submerged to investigate. As I approached the suspicious mound at the bottom of the pool it scattered like a frightened school of fish. Verified. We are out of here! The pool staff member we notified donned black gloves and carried a net. That's not going to work buddy. You're gonna need a vacuum.

"It's not the worst thing that could happen," I mused on the way home. "What about the ones we don't know about? The diarrhea...dissipating in the water like a cloud of squid ink. "

Two scalding decontamination showers later, we were still shivering at the memory of the #2 in lane 2.